My diamond gaze even in darkness easily found their way back to leather couch, to that spot she had occupied a few days ago. Or had it been weeks? It was hard to say when you spent half your time shit faced and the other half fighting the endless battle of good vs evil. Killing the lessers under the right direction provided by my brothers was a piece of cake. No longer was the genius hidden behind blinking computer displays, my beloved technology replaced by fighting gear and black daggers that made the proclamation of war very clear and visible to those who dared face me in battle. This was not to be taken as me being an easy target. Quite the contrary. I was as deadly as ever. Paired up with Zsadist lately instead of the chatty goofball Hollywood or the cop, I got along better with the silent one. Able to just get the job done and get the fuck back to my place. Apparently after my going batshit crazy on him, my brother had altered the patrol patterns of the regular pairings. I was more than happy to comply with this, lately all I got from the cop were attempts at conversation that led nowhere and with Hollywood… well let’s be honest, that was just a lost cause.
Back to my solitary nights, I sat right back where I was that night and turned to look at her jacket. My gloved hand reached over as if I could touch her… With a growl of frustration I pushed myself off of the couch and walked to the sliding glass doors that gave way to the balcony. The lights of the city glared
back at me almost accusingly. I was looking for something I just couldn’t find. Not here. Not like this. I pushed my fingers into my eyes as I tried to dispel the female from my thoughts yet again. Tonight I was not on patrol and that left time for my self-loathing to start all over again. It was an easy and yet
annoying habit that could not grow tired of. After all, I’d done it for years but now I had a real reason for that. Closer to the heart, so to speak.
If I thought I’d gone through hell before I was gravely mistaken. I leaned my arm against the glass door pressing my forehead against my arm to ponder on my past behavior. I’ve walked the streets with no true destination. I’ve killed without my usual spark and pointed intelligence. I’ve eaten and fed merely as a necessity for the sake of the protection of my brothers. The rage of the battle did little to numb the feelings that tried to claw their way out my heart. Yes, that was as far as this was going. This little thing I’ve developed for the female had to die soon. There had to be something to do that could take my mind off those chocolate eyes….the spell that kept me bound to Caldwell and had my thoughts running back to her, to those stolen moments we shared. The ghost of a touch, the warm breath that made the hair stand on end at the proximity of her full lips to mine, if only I had made that last visit come to lasting conclusion. Just a touch of those lips and then I surely would have died happily and gone to the Fade. The kiss would definitely make this aimless life have some sort of meaning. Then the dreams of those lips, her body, her scent and her hair fanned over me, to have stolen nights with that female that was not mine but my brother’s. A brother in arms, a male of worth… and that’s where my thoughts came to every time. I had no right to desire what was his.
I growled in frustration, this had to end, I thought to myself. There was just no point in keeping this up, the walls so carefully constructed around my heart would have to be rebuilt. No one would ever touch me again as she had. I’d made the mistake twice and twice I’ve been broken. From this day forth I would not dwell on that amazing female who was never mine. I would give myself over to full warrior mode, dive into technology, and eliminate my sworn enemies. I had to stop with the mourning, my cowardly ways and my hiding. This would go beyond my usual ways of inflicting pain and moving on. It was time.
Now, if only I could get my shit together.
A soft knock broke through my reverie, my brows knitted in confusion. My brothers would not come unless it was absolutely necessary and most of them could just materialize out here. Slowly, I turned walking towards the door. After a short pause the banging came in a rapid-fire succession. This was far from amusing, if they wanted me to go on patrol they could’ve just called. I opened the door only to stare into the empty space, my eyes falling to floor at the sound of a dull thud between my shitkickers.
And my plans went to shit.
There she was. Without my ordering my lips curled into a grin. The junkie gets his fix.
“What’s doing, pet?”
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