Climbing onto the empty bed, I threw myself into the pile of
pillows and grabbed a book, absently thumbing through the pages without
absorbing a single word. Giving up on that I tossed it back to the nightstand
and grabbed the remote, flipping on the TV and quickly turning it off again,
dropping the controller to the mattress in frustration.
Nothing was working. No diversion or distraction could pry
him from my mind. The warmth of his hand on my neck…the smell of his skin when
I dared to chance a friendly kiss. Friendly.
Yeah. That’s what it was. Uh, huh. Your nose is getting longer there,
Pinocchio. It had taken every ounce of my self control not to turn my head
at the last second and touch my lips to his. In that moment I wasn’t sure which
I’d felt worse about… that I had wanted to do it or that I hadn’t done it. He
just looked so… I don’t know. Vulnerable wasn’t the right word when it came to
the son of the Bloodletter but something was clearly wearing on him. Vishous
was suffering and though he might not be my male, I couldn’t force myself not
to care for him.
Maybe if I had kissed him then, I wouldn’t be without him
now. My hurt was still bruised, mind reeling from the abrupt end he’d put to
our clandestine affair. You couldn’t get much more fucking secret than your own
subconscious, could you? But even in a dream I’d not been enough. He’d pulled
away again, this time leaving a cut so deep I was amazed I didn’t have a scar.
I groaned as my phone buzzed with an incoming text. {Tahlly,
can we talk? Meet me in my office. We have a problem. -Tohr} I took a deep
breath. Something had been off with us lately, I’d felt it. I combed my fingers
through my hair and slid off of the bed, leaving the room and heading down to
the foyer, passing through the door that lead through the tunnels beneath the
compound. He knew. He had to know. As much as I felt for Tohrment, I was
holding back and I knew it. As if my heart was refusing to go along with my
plans of getting over Vishous by instituting its own little rebellion.
I blinked as my eyes adjusted to the lights of the little
office Tohr had across the hall from the main classroom, frowning in confusion
as my eyes found my male and…Layla? I pasted on a polite smile, inclining my
head at the Chosen who had been meeting Tohr’s blood needs since he was so
loathe to feed from me.
“This is… difficult.” Tohr looked positively pained.
“What is? Tohr? What’s going on?” My eyes ping-ponged
between the two of them, a sick feeling settling into the pit of my stomach as
he took a step toward me. “Tohr?”
He scrubbed a hand over his face and scanned me with those
stormy blue eyes before Tohr did what he did best. He laid out the facts, with
no sugar coating.
“Layla and I are together. We have been for some time. I
thought perhaps a new start was in order…after Wellsie.”
I winced. I’d been there for his drunken blackouts and
emotional breakdowns. I’d helped him through. Or had I? It was all clear now.
The distance… the absence of a bond… his heart belonged to another and as much
as I hated them both in that moment, I was no better than he. I squeezed my
eyes shut against the welling tears, both shattered and relieved at the
revelation. Pointedly ignoring the silent Chosen, I started back at my… at the
warrior. “I understand. I’ll be gone by morning.”
There was nothing more to say and nothing I wanted to hear
as I pivoted on my heel and lifted a hand to the door when I felt a heavy palm
on my shoulder spinning me back around.
“I’d like to end this with as little upset as possible.” He
smiled shakily, as if he hadn’t just shredded the little bit of feeling I’d had
left after Vishous had left.
I lifted my chin to meet his eyes. “I am upset but I have my
pride. As I said, I’ll be gone by morning.” He cringed a little and pulled me
in for an awkward hug.
“No hard feelings, Jodi.” He released me to hold me at arm’s
length and once again I glanced over at Layla and back at him.
“Of course not, Tohr. In fact, no feelings at all.”
And with that I slammed through the door and all but ran out
of the office and back through the tunnels, bare feet echoing in the concrete
corridor until I emerged in the foyer, startling two doggen who’d been putting
fresh flowers in the entryway vases. Taking the stairs two at a time and nearly
blinded by tears of hurt and humiliation, I hid my face as I darted around the
shocked forms of Zsadist and Rhage and stormed into the bedroom that I’d called
home until 10 minutes ago, embarrassment turning quickly to fury as I started
tossing my clothes into bags, intent on being gone before Tohr could finish up
whatever or whoever he was doing in his office.
Staring down
at the few possessions I’d had, it dawned on me that I’d never really felt as
if I belonged here. Always hidden away in the room waiting for him to come
home. How had I not seen it sooner? I threw the lid over on the suitcase and
heard a dull thump, looking down to see my phone laying between my feet.
Picking it up with quaking hands, I dialed Vishous’ number and was answered by
a gruff voicemail greeting that gave me a watery smile even under the
circumstances. “You know what to do, true?” I closed my eyes, suddenly not sure
what I wanted. “Hello, V... I know you aren't there right now but, I just wanted
to see a friendly face. I...I wish you were able to answer. I just
needed someone to talk to. I… hope you get this soon. Until later,
my lheage.”
I tucked my
phone into my pocket and jerked my bags off of the bed, I started back down the
grand staircase. Curtly turning down the offers of help from the doggen milling
at the foot of the stairs. No. I was done with all of it.
Throwing the
heavy doors wide I crossed the drive to my old truck and tossed the suitcase
into the bed, anger fueling every move as I stepped into the cab and fired the
engine up, tires peeling as I sped out of the compound and through the iron
gates that separated the brotherhood from the outside world. Alternately
swearing and sobbing as I flew down the winding road, barely noticing as the
woods gave way to the city’s outskirts, buildings thickening and joining with
little breathing room as suburbia morphed into the urban jungle that was
Caldwell’s downtown. Finally forced to stop as the streetlight changed, I
looked around. Fuck, I had nowhere to go. No one to run to. Or did I?
I turned my
head and caught the pinnacle that marked the roof of the Commodore in the
distance. He’d always been there… surely he wouldn’t turn me away now, even if
he didn’t care? I hit the turn signal and weaved through the cars to make the
necessary turn, guiding my beat up old Ford into the pristine garage beneath
the Commodore’s lobby and parked, my pick-up looking like a broken tooth on a Vogue
covergirl in the midst of the sea of beamers and Jags…but, no Escalade I
noticed. I shook my head as I found the elevator bay and pressed the button to
call the car, stepping into the opening doors and hitting the number for the
penthouse. He doesn’t have to drive here,
moron. He can just demat, you know that. Oh, God, what if he didn’t answer
because he wasn’t alone? What if someone else was… I swallowed back bile at the
thought. None of your business, Jodi.
You just want to see your friend. Who
he’s with is immaterial. And I’m going to hell for lying. The doors opened
with a whoosh and I strode down the hall, courage failing as I lifted a fist to
the door, finally forcing myself to knock and not entirely surprised that there
was no answer at first. Turning around, I leaned back against the door and slid
down to the floor, hugging my knees to my chest, slamming my head back against
its panel. Fuck Fuck Fuuuu…..
The door
opened and I fell back, head cracking on smooth marble and landing right
between his size 14s, brow cocked as he looked down at his feet. He could have
said anything right then and I would burst into sobs, eyes already stinging at
the relief that he was even there. And then he spoke and the dam gave, tears
streaming uninhibited down my face as the sweet sound of his voice reached me
through the unrelenting weeping.
“What’s
doing, pet?”
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